Leaning Not On Your Own Understanding: Learning To Love In Spite of Spite.

As I was casually scrolling through a few IG (instagram, for my none social media users) stories I stumbled upon a gem that one of my favorites (Scottie Beam) posted of another favorite of mine (nayyirah waheed) and well… the thoughts began to provoke and led me here to this laptop… writing to you!

The gem was simple yet extremely complex and in many ways inclusive but intrusive because it was shining a spot light to my own perception of “loving others”. Now, I’ll be honest I often P R I D E myself on being an outstanding partner, friend, daughter, sister, home-girl, co-worker, whatever! I’ve always assumed that my relational skills were A-1!

Possibly because I am such a passionate person, so up until now I had convinced myself  that my empathy and passion mixed with my “constant evolving” understanding of Jesus was all  the perfect concoction for being an ALL-AMERICAN -WORLD CLASS- OUTSTANDING HUMAN.

Yet  again, when I saw this gem of a quote I instantly felt “set-up”.  The universe has a way of doing this… what you pray for often comes. As I’ve been assessing myself and how I carry on my daily life, I was notified that the high horse I was riding when it came to my engagement and commitment to the relationships in my life, was terribly misguided.

“we have all hurt someone tremendously. whether by intent or accident. we have all loved someone tremendously. whether by intent or accident. it an intrinsic human trait. and  a deep responsibility. i think. to be an organ and a blade. but. learning to forgive ourselves and others because we have not chosen wisely is what makes us most human. we make horrible mistakes. it’s how we learn. we breathe. love. it’s how we learn. and it is inevitable. -nayyirah waheed.”

Imagine that, you hurting someone tremendously? It’s pretty awkward and God-awful might I add because I, myself am mortified imagining my ALL-AMERICAN OUTSTANDING, WORLD CLASS relational self ever stripping someone down to their core.

And to make matters worse I’m sure that “someone” was possibly a person that I loved, which seems unfathomable right? Because “when you love someone, you just don’t treat them bad…. Donell Jones led us wrong. We hurt the ones we love the most and the worst and rarely ask for forgiveness because it’s easier to victimize than to say “I’m sorry.”

“Because “when you love someone, you just don’t treat them bad”…. Donell Jones led us wrong. We hurt the ones we love the most and the worst and rarely ask for forgiveness because it’s easier to victimize than to say “I’m sorry”

So,  yes that high horse that I had been riding was essentially keeping me alone because as I was hurting people, the ones I love at that, I was of practicing destructive behavior. Instead of righting my wrongs  I was victimizing myself and saying things like “I don’t deserve that” , “I’m worth more than that” hence which is all very true and should be acknowledge and respected but also kept into context.

The reality is I should have been and desperately need to be gentle enough to remember that if I am both the organ and the blade such must be true for my mother, my father, my friends and my lover… etc. (you get the point!)

You see, when I read this I realized that I am not the only one in my relationships, meaning my hurt as a end result doesn’t let me off the hook. The same way I am both the organ and the blade, so are the rest of us. This means that grace in times that the blade is sharp and the organ isn’t visible is needed, for both you and I.

So what does this grace look like?

“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not into your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path” -Proverbs 3:5-6

It’s looks like “leaning not into your own understanding ”  but acknowledging that I am not omnipresent meaning I cannot be in your head and heart while being in my own; therefore your intentions are not mine to judge.

We’ve all heard the phrase”let go and let God” shoot, some of us live to sing this very song and whether that’s a cliche to you or not, it’s a great principle to start implementing. Allowing the only one that knows everything at all times govern your relationships will free you from your many guardrails .

It will free you to love people as they are,  to engage into a spirit-to-spirit connection. A bond that sends the light and warmth of me to the purest parts of you, because I realize that we don’t always look like truest selves. However, when you outwardly look like the blade that doesn’t mean that internally you aren’t still an organ.

An organ that can receive the same light and warmth that I’ve given to you and as a result return it from your purest parts when I need it the most.

You see, it’s a cycle. I soften the blade in you and you soften the blade in me. We tenderly care for our organ-like mannerism and we shower our warmest lights with love.

That’s how we stay committed, it’s how we stay humbled and free from those high horses. It’s how we trust in the universe to govern our intentions and protect us from evil doing.

So, take the stress off yourself and remember that it’s beneficial to see people for who they are at their core… especially in times that their actions suggest otherwise.

For if you’ve ever needed to ask for forgiveness then you too should understand how vital it is that it’s freely given.

With love,

-BW

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