First Of The Month: What You Doin’, How You Feelin’?

I’ve recently discovered that as I evolve in adulthood, I demonstrate different character traits that weren’t “as” evident in my childhood. Some good, others bad and many neutral. Most recent I’ve noticed that the older I age the more of a planner I become. Now, I’m using the term planner loosely to make myself feel better, because in reality I’m really that “planner” that’s 100% controlling every detail to the last and will become agitated if and when the plans don’t come into fruition with style and grace.

We all know these types of “planners” and we all disdain working with them! Well approaching 23 this year, I’m learning that what I just explained isn’t planning but control rearing its ugly head!

In acknowledging that I’m a control freak (to the say the least), I’ve also begun to dig deep and discover the reasons behind this rather new obsession. I wish I could make what I’m about to write sound super deep and spiritual, but unfortunately my need to control comes from my lack of trust and sense of unhappiness! It’s my form of having a temper tantrum as an adult.  When something doesn’t go my way instead of kicking and screaming, I toss negativity around in my mind, drum up an exaggerated speech and ensure that by the end I’ve promised myself “NEVER AGAIN”! Why? Because I’ll have the reins this time.

Hear me out now, control is not a bad thing to have! It’s the reason why we love Sza’s album so much, because of the gems her mother and grandmother dropped throughout. Control is GOOD and in many cases it’s necessary to have.

However, when following that spiritual compass of yours, you’ll find that the more you align yourself the less control you’ll have. And in a way for me at least (I’ll be personally speaking throughout this entire post), the less I’m in control, the more I feel “on track. CRAZY right? But then again, I believe that “trust” is all apart of being a spiritual being. This life is all one BIG act of faith, because if I’m spiritual then I’m privy to knowledge that isn’t common in this lifetime, which is what I like to call purpose.

What does any of that previous jargon have to do with the 1st of the month?

Glad you asked! In my need to control, I’ve been writing out my intentions, thoughts and feelings. Some have ended up as goals which I’ve been blessed to accomplish, others as rants (some of which you’ve probably read). Either way I’ve been writing as my compass has faithfully guided me to many gems… and well today’s first exit led me to my goal for the month! Now, I never set goals for the month (as I’ve just stated that “setting intentions” is a relatively new result of me trying to channel my desire to control in a positive manner) however, this morning I found myself typing a goal out with the intent to post it on my Instagram story.

February’s Goal: To be Helen Keller to each and every


I won’t hear, see or verbally communicate with such verbiage.

Now, it may sound funny to some (shoot, perhaps most) but I’ll be honest this goal struck a chord within me and faith began to rise within my spirit. Which ultimately triggered my compass to let me know that “HA! You didn’t come up with this one on your own.” I read it again, and continued to type out my justification for such.

Because similar to Mrs. Keller, I too realize that my purpose is LIMITLESS and GUARANTEED.

In plain terms it would have read: What’s an opp when you are the secured bag? And so, I ask you the same question,

What’s an opp when you are the secured bag?

What’s a “No” or opposition in general when you know:

  1. Who you are!
  2. What your purpose is.
  3. The promises of God are “Yes” and “Amen”

To answer for you, not a DANG thing! A “no” is simply a delayed yes. That’s it! It’s merely a “not right now” and/or a “not in this manner” which both can only lead you to “Yes, now is the time and in this capacity”. Do you see the correlation, it isn’t a dead-end road here, but a slight turn to the left or right to guide you to the same path of purpose!

So rather a control freak or not, I encourage you to take courage and utilize this first week of the month to decide what will be and most certainly what will not!  I also want to encourage you to not rely on your intellect while setting these intentions, but allow your compass to have full domain. Let faith begin to rise in your spirit and follow that hunch, the one that only you can articulate because it hasn’t yet manifested. This hunch that is also known as your purpose will never steer you wrong.

Also set boundaries on what you’re entertaining, refuse to allow rejection, negativity, double mindedness and other poor things the opportunity to sit at your table. Raise the booth rate on every aspect of your life! If it doesn’t trigger the compass then give it the boot and move onward with blinders.


Follow that compass y’all, get to living because what’s an opp when you’re the secured bag?


3 thoughts on “First Of The Month: What You Doin’, How You Feelin’?

  1. A nice read… Mind is a little devil and it plays its tricks the most when we enter the adulthood. Control is good as you said but my understanding says that its all about taming. 🙂

    1. My apologies that I’m so late responding! Thank you for kind words and I agree taming is key. It’s honestly a constant battle for me!

      Thanks for sharing!


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