Choosing the Latter

“The latter glory of this house (myself) should be greater than the fomer..”- Haggai 2:9 TRANSLATION PLEASE: MY FUTURE GLORY FAR OUTWEIGHS ANY PRESENT FEELING OF DEFEAT!

Womanhood at 22 for me is all about figuring out what I like, who I like, and where I want to be. Where I want to be in life, where I want to be in self-love, where I want to be in location… where I want to be with in everything. Things are a lot different in my life than when I was a fresh 18 year old entering college.

A lot of my ideals and ways of thinking have changed. Yes due to me growing up, but also due to the experiences I’ve had while becoming a woman. I am a woman, not a chubby little girl, not an insecure teenager…A WOMAN.

My butt’s a little bigger, my hair is a lot longer, my skin is even better. I guess this woman thing isn’t so bad. I finally get to decide everything for myself. I don’t have to think about what my friends want for me or what my family wants for me. I get to be me.

Brianna Elaine Denise Smith.

Wholeheartedly myself. I have never felt like myself before. This realization of where I am in life is actually phenomenal.

Since September of 2017 I was battling with my depression. I thought it was manageable at first, my depression being something not new to my genetic makeup, I assumed this was just another episode that I would get through. Then things got bad, then they got worse, and then they got scary. I couldn’t even recognize myself. I had to decide where I wanted to be in the future.

Did I want to be six feet under leaving lost pieces in the hearts of my loved ones? Or did I want to be premiering my first short film, writing an episodic web series, graduating from college and enjoying the life that God continued to give me? Clearly I chose the latter… I mean who do you think is writing this? But I was so close to ending my life numerous times because I couldn’t handle the debilitating pain that my depression can throw on me. I had to get professional help even though I didn’t want to ….I knew I had to.

I decided that I’m going to continue making a conscious effort to put my mental health at the forefront because I can’t risk putting it off. I can’t not make it a priority because I want to be happy, I want to be loved, and I want to have a full beautiful life. I know that life can be so damn hard. There are new things everyday on the news that break my heart. I can’t let that stop me. I know that there is a purpose for me to be here.

Not just going with the motions but actually living, making memories and meeting new people. There is a purpose for me being on this website right now telling my story to someone who needs to hear it at this very moment. I know that my words will move someone to reach out to their loved ones who are hurting, to try being a listening ear to their friends who are going through something, and try to be in touch with their own emotions so that they too know when they aren’t okay.

Your mental health is important.

Your life is important.

YOU ARE IMPORTANT!

 

A truth written by Brianna Smith.

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